Cry?

Assalammualaikum,

Yesterday was actually hard for me. I know i don't deserve to feel this way..To  feel regret and to feel sad. I know i shouldn't feel this way.

I tried to feel ok about it, i really do..but then it never was. I tried to laugh, i did, but i didn't feel ok after that.

I didn't cry, i don't want to cry. Even last night i almost cried and feel so damn lonely with everyone so busy talking about other things, no one to share my feelings with. I almost broke down.

Even i have people who would listen, but they wont understand.they never will..They will give word that are not really helping..They will make me feel even worse. Or maybe they don't even care. They are just relieved that it was not them that have to go through that.

I don't want to feel regret as it will not change the fact. I don't want to cry, it's hard to not cry, feels like there's a big lump in my heart, but i have to hold it because i don't deserve to cry.

So i'll hold this feeling to myself and only share with people that also in my place..they'll understand better.

Anyway, there's always silver behind there always a silver lining behind a cloud.